I grew up Protestant with a faith that fluctuated with my emotions. Sometimes I felt so far from God that I considered myself agnostic or even atheist. By the time I was 23, I had given myself to hedonism. This led me to despair and interior chaos for nearly two years. One day, it all became too much to bear and I genuinely cried out to God to stay my hands from my sins. Like the father running to the prodigal son, He made haste to help me. At that moment, I had a deep conviction to become a pastor. I wanted to help guide the lost to know that God is just waiting for them to turn to Him to bring them peace.
Over the next few months, I started battling against my sinful ways but made minor progress as I was trying to go it alone. One day my brother handed me the book that converted him to Catholicism: The Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis. The opening words pierced me to the soul. “He who follows Me, says the Lord, will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12. I realized that every time I had strayed from God, I fell into darkness, and that every time I chose to follow God, I ascended to light. I made a conscious decision in that moment to turn away from the doubts and choose to believe in Him. I received from Him a blissful clearing of my interior chaos with a rejuvenated interior perception of His presence over how I saw the world. As I kept reading, my faith began laying roots in truth rather than feelings, although God was granting me much consolation.
I couldn’t believe the wellspring of truth and life that this book was. Within the week, I was going to Mass daily. I fell deeper and deeper in love with the Mass as I immersed into it and actively studied Catholic theology. On Easter Vigil 2018, I was Baptized, Confirmed, and received my first Eucharist. I can only liken my joy from receiving these sacraments to that of a 5-year-old boy overcome and giggling with radiant bliss from the loving, tender touch of his mother or father.
My pastor guided me in theological study, spiritual warfare, and discerning my vocation. For two and a half years I lived with my brother’s family discerning my vocation while receiving spiritual direction. I consistently sensed God calling me to the seminary and entered formation for the Archdiocese of Portland in August 2021. I loved the life at seminary, but began to feel pulled toward marriage and so left formation in December 2023. It became clear during prayer that what I actually desired was greater healing. Consistent, deep prayer experiences that affirmed God calling me to priesthood led me to return with a much greater vocational clarity only months later. Thank you for your support and prayers.
Prayer for Our Seminarians
Lord Jesus, as you once called the first disciples to make them fishers of men, let your sweet invitation continue to resound: Come Follow Me! We thank you for the gift of these seminarians called to serve in the Archdiocese of Portland in Oregon. Inspire them to imitate You, the Eternal High Priest, in sacrificial service to Your Church. Grant perseverance to our seminarians. Give them the graces they need to one day serve You faithfully as priests. May Your light shine through them to everyone they meet. Mary, Mother of the Church, the model of every vocation, help our seminarians to continue to say “yes” to the Lord who calls us to cooperate in the divine plan of salvation. Amen