By Anthony Nguyen
What does it mean to “retreat”? Outside of the religious context, the word “retreat” is a verb meaning to withdraw or pull back. Our world is filled with busyness and distractions, and everyone around us is depressed, overworked, and hopeless. Therefore, making a retreat, pulling back from the world for however long, is essential to the Christian life, our journey of relationship with the only being that matters, God.
Priests, religious, and seminarians are bound by canon law to make a retreat annually. Ever since I have been in seminary, I have made two retreats every year: one after summer break and the other after winter break. There are many different types of retreats, but one that is very common is the silent retreat. As a senior at Bishop White Seminary, I was very blessed this year to make an 8-day silent retreat with our seminary Director of Spiritual Formation, Fr. John Murphy, S.J. With his extensive background as a Jesuit in Ignatian Spirituality and the Spiritual Exercises, Fr. Murphy graciously guided my retreat.
This retreat was a unique experience as none of the other seminarians had returned from break yet, so it was just Fr. Murphy and me in the seminary. My retreat started with much difficulty. I was anxious about having to be in silence for an extended period, having no access to technology, no family or friends to run to, and nowhere to escape. Additionally, I had to do something that was very foreign to me in seminary, not think about seminary formation. This retreat was simply about God and His love for me. However, this was difficult to see at first. I remember for the first few days, I felt an immense feeling of abandonment, loneliness, and insufficiency. As I explained these feelings, Fr. Murphy responded, “Anthony, these feelings are a great gift.” Father helped me to place myself with Jesus in the desert, a moment to see that I am radically insufficient and can only claim redemption with trust in the Lord. As Cardinal Sarah writes, “The Word is not just a sound; it is a person and a presence. God is the eternal Word, the Logos. Through silence, we return to our heavenly origin, where there is nothing but calm, peace, repose, silent contemplation, and adoration of the radiant face of God.” These moments of silence and loneliness invited me to simply be with God, without anything or anywhere else to flee to.
It has now been a month since this retreat, and over the course of the retreat and the past month, many reflections and writing have occurred in my time of prayer that cannot all be contained in this one blog post. Amidst the multitude of graces I received during this retreat was the invitation to a deeper understanding of God, which led to a deeper understanding of who I am and, therefore, an increased desire to respond to the will of God. Additionally, I made my consecration to our Blessed Mother with the motto “To Jesus through Mary.” This retreat was not just an ending of my time in college seminary or another closed chapter of my spiritual life, but I received this retreat to be a new beginning of my relationship with the Lord. In seminary formation, sometimes I fall into the trap of knowing about God in my studies. However, the Christian life is an encounter with the being of God in one’s heart. As a priest once told me, “The longest journey one can make is the journey from the mind to the heart.”
I share these graces about my own experience in retreat as a testimony of God’s grace and an invitation for you to retreat as well. I understand that not everyone has the ability to just let go of their family responsibilities, work, and all other responsibilities of life, but the invitation to retreat is the invitation to step back, for however long, and reflect on what matters to you. As a Christian, is God truly at the center of your life, relationships, and actions? If not, what changes do you need to make in your life so that God may be at the center of your life? Some practical examples may include adding thirty minutes of silent prayer to your day, attending daily Mass, or receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation if you haven’t in a while. May God bless you always in this journey.